bloodletting

Sometimes I don’t want to talk, I just want to sit. I don’t trust myself enough to trust others to hear what I’m actually saying. Take a breath...there’s a story I’ve been saving.

It started long ago in a town so far away, where a boy, a girl, they met. Both had hearts of silver and gold, but smiles that felt old, and knives inside ...and holes. And bugs and worms, and bees in their brains, from living life in such a way that kept them open to all the evil that they trusted. Silly kids. But they adjusted. ‘Cause once those are there, they stay. There’s no pill you can take for that kind of pain. The ugliness and the terror remain.

They taught each other that love can be the absolute worst kind of enemy. Because eventually all the words that are said and gone slice you open when the silence comes. Then you’re left cleaning the wounds, licking the blood off with your tongue.

And that kind of torment makes you a vampire, so you go out and find others, and cut them first...before they can drain your world with their careless thirst. What is trust- can you see when it is broken? Nothing is louder than words left unspoken.

This winter’s been cold. There’s a summer hiding somewhere, but I just can’t let go. The blue of the snow screams of eyes that I used to know. And now December’s gone, still I am holding on. There’s a sun for which I’ve had no love, since you took it with you halfway across the world.

Maybe what we’re doing is fooling ourselves and we weren’t meant to go, to turn out into hell, facing it all, holding stories we can’t tell. I recall the Fall that you came, now autumn’s not the same. It’s just dry leaves, breaking apart, like all these ghosts in me. Don’t get me started on the spring.

Alone in a sun that I can no longer stand, the light blinds me. I want the darkness again. At least there I know what to expect, and nobody can take that away. There’s been nothing worse since the day the light left, and left me changed.