Maybe, Killer (maybe not)

There was a time you were my only
When you acted like you owned me
Had a love affair in double time
Our brains were covered up with cheap wine
Chain smoked cigarettes and made a pact
That our love would last a life time

It’s just one more failed signal
Another disaster of a late bill
That we didn’t get because we forget
How it feels to be alone here
You thought that I needed you
But you fucked that one up too
If you wanted to do some damage
You should have got here sooner

Cut the feelings into fine lines
Each row another land mine
With a razorblade you can’t escape
When it hits you like a warm night
And all the evil things you told me
When the nights got fucking lonely
From miles away we cursed our fate
As our screams shook the phone line

You said you're sorry for how you treated me
But that you were glad to leave me
Cause you’re drinking big
And popping pills and loving on the run
And if you weren’t really in this,
You prick, that makes one of us.
So fuck you for pretending
And me for believing it.

You pulled a knife on your new girlfriend
Yea, I hear you’ve completely lost it
Rage and pain and getting laid
Well I’m glad I’m not a part of it
And I need something more to hold me
Than these memories exploding
You’re a bee hive
That ate me alive
Before your venom stung me

I always told the truth
And truth is that I hate you
It’s everything you never wanted
But I don’t care what it’s like to be in your shoes
I’d rather not think about your bad news
Loving games that always beat you
What it means to be a fuck up
And playing girls that get fed up and leave you.

another reason to hate math

A girl and boy that I once knew
Knew that one and one made two
And that two sometimes made one too.

Now the boy who used to love.
His eyes got dead
Charm used up
Always planning what the next page said
Next line in
Next lie wins.
Decided to hold his head so high
He found other arms to squeeze him tight
Left that girl in the ring
Partway through the fight
His face shining with delight
He dropped the bomb
And she was gone.
What had he done?
Don’t say goodbye
Don’t say goodbye
Don’t say anything.

There’s a girl whose smile breaks
On coldest nights she spends awake
Snow outside
Makes her shake
An indentation on the other side
Left a space in bed for the wind to hide
And thoughts in her head to be denied
Pale lips - distant fingertips.
Weak solace in her mind
Seeking answers from red wine
And memories from another life.
Still convinced that she was right.
Found her answer at the end of a knife.
Because she was done.
Forget it.
Forget it.
Don’t think anything.

Part of a girl and boy I once was
Upon a time
Before the dust
Got into the cracks
Pushed things apart too much to get it back.
Now there is nothing but empty arms
Empty lives
Empty songs.
Cliché hearts
The same two that were each one apart
Then one together
Found upon walking away from all that
They had become fractions.
Didn’t get it all back
Each came away with
Less than what they started
When they figured out the math.

Not so Much...

Stealing weeks from the year
Feeling weak, but I’m still here.
Nights alone,
Laughter fades.
Hold you breathe
Hope for change.
Recycled ink dry on new letters.
Tell yourself it’s real
Not borrowed for the thrill
But you know the lines
You read the script
And the act is ending
Nobody gives a shut.
She’s running fingers
Over bones in his wrist
Running her mouth
Wanting to kiss
The exploding nightmare
That she feels creeping up
It’s working it’s way in
To her waking thoughts.
Hugging her closer
To disaster
Will love kill it off
Or make it grow faster?
Stars came uncrossed
Left lovers gasping for air
For the newness of it all
That time sometimes shares
But always takes back
The lack leaving us breathless
And hopeless
Alone in the same habit
Adjusting to a new habitat.
Charged up with a death wish.
Glued to the floor.
She’s sticking to thoughts she can’t ignore.
Holding on to the end.
Pulses stop and start over again.
Cars are still driving,
Snow keeps falling
So much motion
And you’re still trying.
Somehow convinced that your worlds
Still turning.
She never screams when she’s angry anymore
And he never cries when he’s sober.

Not so Much...

Stealing weeks from the year
Feeling weak, but I’m still here.
Nights alone,
Laughter fades.
Hold you breath
Hope for change.
Recycled ink dries on new letters.
Tell yourself it’s real
Not borrowed for the thrill
But you know the lines
You read the script
And the act is ending
Nobody gives a shit.
She’s running fingers
Over bones in his wrist
Running her mouth
Wanting to kiss
The exploding nightmare
That she feels creeping up
It’s working it’s way in
To her waking thoughts.
Hugging her closer
To disaster
Will love kill it off
Or make it grow faster?
Stars came uncrossed
Left lovers gasping for air
For the newness of it all
That time sometimes shares
But always takes back
The lack leaving us breathless
And hopeless
Alone in the same habit
Adjusting to a new habitat.
Charged up with a death wish.
Glued to the floor.
She’s sticking to thoughts she can’t ignore.
Holding on to the end.
Pulses stop and start over again.
Cars are still driving,
Snow keeps falling
So much motion
And you’re still trying.
Somehow convinced that your worlds
Still turning.

Juliet Always Dies First

Do you wonder
Do you ever wonder
Imagine what its like
All those cast off lives
What could have made a difference
So you could have kept them
I’m trying to keep this
And wanting to mean it
Looking over shoulders
At burnt bridges
And stopped pulses.
Would anyone else get this?
Nights of senseless entertainment
And waking up alone
To the sound of
Cars passing by
And a heart that’s trying to let go
Your brain knows the answer
Wish the rest could know it faster
The hornets in your stomach
Won’t let you forget
Fell in something
That felt like love
But it was just a sweet disaster
A distraction from the last one
Another pointless switch
And all those years we spent
Chasing accidents
Did they go away
Or does the script still read the same
Black and white
Longer than it should be
With words scribbled out
After the first scene
A poets daydream
Romeo’s sweet agony
And you’re left clutching paper
Nobodys watching anymore.

It Can't Rain All the Time

How does it feel when nothings
Really yours?
Pins in the map
Foot to the floor.
Keep on the road
Just keep driving.
Keep driving.
Another state’s waiting
One more night you won’t forget
The newest snapshot memory
The newest life you have to leave.
Before you even started it.
And nothing ever amounts to much
Somehow the pieces are never enough

The pictures come out blurry
Of her nights spent killing time.
One more in the scrapbook,
For a youth that’s slowly dying.
But she’s collecting memories,
Of everything she can’t keep
And keeps on filing
All the days spent in the sun,
So when she’s sad she can look back
On all that kept her sane and smiling.

And now she’s on the road at night
Somewhere half through Kansas
Thinking about picking one thing
And really sticking to it
She wonders about the ones she’s loved,
What they’re doing in that minute.
And writes them a song in her head
And hopes they somehow hear it.

And there on that road that night
With the windshield wipers singing,
She thinks back on other things,
Back at the beginning.
How she got some comfortable
On her own
Wonders when the scenery got so boring
And tries to come to terms with
All these tiny deaths and mournings.

She wonders if she’s crazy
If anyone would understand this
The way she moves from place to place
But sometimes just can’t stand it.
And everyone always leaves,
Which is why she’s always leaving.
But she’s got a pack of smokes
And music notes,
To help get her through the grieving

And she knows the landmarks well,
Because they’re always the same.
They let her know when to stop.
The next gas station’s waiting.
She alternates between bouts of hope
And feeling like shes dying
But by leading all these lives,
She’s learned the key to surviving.

If you’re driving all night friend,
Look for her.
Heading through Missouri
She’ll be the one with golden hair,
Dragging more baggage than she can carry.
Windows down in the rain,
She’ll wear a knowing smile,
Singing Sweet Caroline
At the top of her lungs
To stop the thoughts awhile.

Soon her journey will be over
To a week spent not alone
She’s crossing the Illinois state line now
Cutting up toward her childhood home
The rain it beats harder
Beneath her the wild Mississippi roars
And if it all becomes too much,
She’ll stop to sleep somewhere warm
On the road again at dawn
Chasing things she can't ignore.

Your Nightlight

He asks how the weather is where I’m at.
I tell him it’s cold here and he just laughs.
Because he knows what I mean.

And it’s 100 degrees from burning your letters,
And this town’s dead.
I’ve cut down the trees so you can’t write anymore.
But I remember what you said.

Keeps his loaded gun close to his bed,
One bullet for every thought in his head.
Each one like broken glass,
Fell in love with apathy,
It’ll never last.

I’m checking out the scene,
Where you killed all of our dreams,
Hold that thought.

I hope it keeps you warm at night.
I hope it fucking sets you on fire.
And whoever you’re burning with dies with you.
A nightlight for a beautiful liar.

Keeps his loaded gun close to his bed,
One bullet for every thought in his head.
Each one like broken glass,
Fell in love with apathy,
It’ll never last.

How’s it working out?
Was it everything you dreamed about?
I’m not coming home again.

So we can keep not making eye contact.
So I can keep my thoughts to myself.
Start caring less,
Finish the chapter and put it back on the shelf.

Keeps his loaded gun close to his bed,
One bullet for every thought in his head.
Each one like broken glass,
Fell in love with apathy,
It’ll never last.

Called you last night.
Held this disease up to the light.
I told you about him.

Said, “I think I’m a zombie”
Said “I think I’ve stopped breathing
I know I had a heart,
But I’m sure it’s done beating.

Keeps his loaded gun close to his bed,
One bullet for every thought in his head.
Each one like broken glass,
Fell in love with apathy,
It’ll never last.
How’s it working out?
Was it everything you dreamed about?
I’m not coming home again.
I’m burning all your letters.